I used to crave closure with an intensity that consumed me. I believed that closure was the key to making sense of things, providing a sense of finality and completeness that would help me move on from unresolved situations. And for a very long time (my whole life), I imagined that a final conversation or some external acknowledgment was necessary to find peace.
But finally, something in my brain finally clicked- I don’t need to have the last conversation that I think I need to have with them in order to get closure. I give MYSELF closure by moving on and removing their access to me. It was a hard realization to understand that whatever I thought I was going to gain from the last conversation with them, is actually just my egos want for validation. But do I really need to person who hurt me to tell me they hurt me? I know they hurt me. That is enough to validate myself and know that the person who hurt me cannot heal me. Only I can heal me.
I am tired of apologizing for human emotions. I feel hurt because I am human and because I love deeply, take risks, and invested my heart and soul in meaningful experiences. This pain is not a reflection of weakness, foolishness, or being broken. A broken heart is simply a natural response to vulnerability and connection. It’s a call to action because sitting with such pain is profoundly uncomfortable. But through that discomfort, I’ve come to understand that closure is about achieving wholeness, not just a sense of finality. Closure is a process that begins and ends with me. Closure is the personal journey of moving away from the blend of painful emotions—whether it’s shame, anger, sadness, or fear—and toward a state of ease, calm, and clarity. It’s about transitioning from the turbulence of unresolved feelings to a place where I can find peace and understanding within yourself.
So, rather than seeking closure from someone else, I’m choosing to look inward. I’m giving myself the closure I need by validating my own experiences and emotions. I’ve learned that peace cannot come from someone still at war with themselves. By accepting that letting go and moving forward is more important than holding onto a fantasy of how I wished things could have been, I am embracing a new form of closure. This is about accepting reality and choosing to move on with strength and self-compassion.